Newsletter ~ Summer, 2023

Dear Living in Dying friends and family,

This February, we joyfully celebrated nine years of service! Your unwavering support continues to make an invaluable impact in the hospice and palliative care world. We invite you to keep reading and discover heartfelt stories from your vibrant Living in Dying community.

Living in Dying is constantly evolving in a positive direction! As such, founder Anjie Villalobos has transitioned into the role of Chair of the Board, handing over the Executive Director reins to Dr. Julie Nisco-Madden. Together, we are deeply committed to the mission of Living in Dying. After working closely for nearly ten years in the hospice and palliative care space, we are excited to partner in expanding the breadth and scope of this vital community-driven work. 

In line with our vision, our new name is Living in Dying, aiming to normalize veiled expressions associated with death and dying. We hope to highlight that, even in the process of dying, we are very much living. Moreover, we have introduced impactful Integrative Health programming and expanded the Living in Dying Board. Learn more about our new team and programming below!

As always, our mission carries forward. We are steadfast in our commitment to partnering with our community to evoke change, inspire hope, and provide practical resources empowering those diagnosed with a chronic or life-limiting illness to live out their lives in comfort and with dignity.

With immense love and gratitude,

Anjie and Dr. Julie

Impactful Stories From Your Living in Dying Community

Unchained Melody: Walking Her Down the Aisle

In loving memory of Lowell Forlales Fradejas

by Loryann Fradejas

The acoustic sounds of a guitar and a melodic voice still remind me of a song that I was unaware I would ever hear in person by this wonderful man again. My love, my darling… After two days of hearing the news of his diagnosis, my uncle, Tito Low, lost the ability to walk, much less speak more than a few words. His son, Anthony, took on the role of supporting anchor, carrying his father from bed to wheelchair, much like a father does when picking a baby up from his crib. His daughter, Theresa, who was in the process of planning a much anticipated wedding ceremony in the Philippines in the next few months, halted her search for a wedding dress, when she was met with this news. His wife, Tita Cely, also known as “Sweet,” felt deep sadness as she witnessed the quick deterioration in her soulmate’s condition. I was devastated, as an observer and his niece. He was only three years older than my own father. The reality of loss in such close proximity was embodied in ways I was unprepared for. 

With all the strength he had, Tito Low tried to move his body to physically express his last wish: He wanted to walk his daughter, also known as “Naneng,” down the aisle. From his gesture, our close and extended family immediately began planning a bedside wedding ceremony to grant my uncle’s last wish. In one week, with the help of all who loved Tito Low and his dear family, a wedding was made possible. I shared this story with Dr. Julie. Graciously, Living in Dying offered the Portraits of Love program on my cousin’s wedding day beside her dying father. Matt, the amazing photographer who captured these precious moments, weaved in between the bride, the groom, family members and guests to capture the most beautiful stills of our last moments with my uncle. Dr. Julie provided a therapeutic and supportive presence, assisting the photographer and even offering our family homemade spam musubi! The day was filled with a celebration of life, an embrace of union, and the grief of loss. There were tears, laughter, sadness, music, and most of all, love. The range of human emotions were felt on this day. The Portraits of Love taken on December 3rd, 2022 were a testament to Sweet & Low’s legacy. Tito Low passed three days later. 

Although unchained to this earthly life evermore, Tito Low’s amazing spirit remains in the gifted melody that he left for us: In presence through pictures, videos, and in sweet memory of his life, laughter, and energy. 

Lonely rivers sigh, “Wait for me, wait for me… I’ll be coming home, wait for me.” -The Righteous Brothers

Thank you, Living in Dying, for capturing such an important day for our family. This gift meant so much to my family. I will spread like wildfire the compassionate and important work that you do so that living can continue, even at the end. 

This is What’s Missing

In loving memory of Lois Mestaz

By Evelyn Tovar

In February of 2022, my mom had surgery for an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Four months later, after several skilled nursing facility stays, numerous hospital visits and an overwhelming amount of diagnostics, treatments and medications, she was placed on hospice.

Our hospice social worker couldn’t have come at a better time. As I was looking for a holistic approach to my mother’s care, the social worker told me about a grassroots nonprofit called Living in Dying. I was happy to find Living in Dying’s Integrative Health program provided Reiki as I am familiar with a similar type of modality (Healing Touch) and have personally witnessed the comforting, soothing effects it had on a friend who was dying from ALS. I was grateful to schedule a session for my mom.

At the time of the Reiki appointment, the bath aide was just finishing working with my mom. Mom was feeling very agitated after all the uncomfortable movement. After the aide left, Dr. Julie entered the room. She approached my mom in a very gentle manner and spoke softly to her. It was beautiful to see someone approach my mom in such a heart centered compassionate manner. Dr. Julie invited me to join the Reiki session. I was glad to be a part of it. As we worked together, I could see my mom’s facial expression become more relaxed. She fell asleep and was experiencing a deep rest. When my mom opened her eyes she turned her gaze toward a distance just past me and called out her mother’s name. That was a profound moment! And later she started singing “Home on the Range!” Mom loved to sing! It seemed as though she knew she would soon be going to her spiritual home. Seeing my mom so relaxed, contented, and in a peaceful state filled me with much joy and gratitude. It was a moment of awe. As her caregiver, I noticed a reduction in my own stress level from the session too. I was grateful to Dr. Julie for her compassionate therapeutic presence which brought my mom a sense of comfort and peace.  

I realized that this is what was missing: the doctors, nurses, and aides focus on the physical, the chaplain on the spiritual, the social worker on the mental and emotional aspects, and the Reiki practitioner addressed all of those aspects which resulted in a naturally induced state of deep relaxation. What a precious gift for someone who is sick and dying. I call it a soul gift. And am forever grateful!

My mom returned to her “Home on the Range” on August 9, 2022.

A Timeless Friendship

In loving memory of Wilhelm Schwedler

By Manuel Zermeno

The 5th anniversary of Wilhelm’s passing is this month, and he is still very much with me. His presence and memory have never truly gone. Wilhelm was my mentor and my dearest friend for ten years. Most memories of him date back to when we met, our short road trips, and the many conversations we shared over coffee and lunch. When he turned 90, he began receiving hospice care. Until then, to be in hospice had a very different meaning to me. It was new, unknown, with a frightening ending. 

Unexpectedly, Wilhelm lived in hospice for two years. We were fortunate that he was surrounded by a team who cared for and supported him. He regained life and energy without ever losing his independence. He loved to socialize and Living in Dying (then Pacific Hospice and Palliative Care Foundation) kept his circle from becoming small in his final years. Anjie Villalobos and Xuan Nguyen became true companions to Wilhelm; inspiring meaning-making by swapping travel stories and cooking meals together. Xuan and Dr. Julie were also known to watercolor paint with Wilhelm during their lunch breaks.

At 92, Wilhelm and I took our last trip to Seattle. It was a two-week road trip driving up the coast and making stops whenever needed. The hospice team was always on call, but fortunately, there was never an emergency. We just updated them with all the photos of places we saw along the way. We were both happy, living our best lives, one at 27 and one at 92. 

Thank you to the Living in Dying team for loving Wilhelm and caring for him like a friend. And thank you for staying in touch all these years.

We’d like to express gratitude for our featured story-tellers. We are humbled by the opportunity to be part of your loved one’s journey. If you have a story you’d like to share, contact us at info@livingindying.org.

Anjie Villalobos dedicated over 20 years of her life to working in hospice and home health before establishing Living in Dying (formerly known as Pacific Hospice and Palliative Care Foundation) in collaboration with Sea Crest Hospice in 2014. With a deepened passion for ensuring quality of life at the end of life for all individuals, Living in Dying became a platform for Anjie to develop sustainable and impactful programs addressing the practical needs of the palliative and hospice community. These programs include Portraits of Love, Community of Caring, Dream a Little Dream, Community Education, and the Patient and Family Assistance Fund. As Anjie has eloquently stated, “It is important to challenge ourselves and our community to become comfortable with the uncomfortable so that together we can consciously and creatively bring compassion, comfort, dignity, and even beauty, to the dying process.” 

Anjie served as the President and Executive Director of Living in Dying for nine years, leaving an indelible impact on the community. In her transition to Chair of the Board this year, Anjie continues to lead the Living in Dying team with unwavering commitment. Anjie considers her work with Living in Dying among the most fulfilling endeavors of her life. In addition to supporting the grassroots work of Living in Dying, Anjie also leads the philanthropic efforts at Providence Hospice and Palliative Care Foundation of Southern California.

Known for her warmth, open-heart, and generous spirit, Anjie has a contagious enthusiasm for life. Whether it's guiding bicycle tours throughout France or opening a restaurant in the Umbria region of Italy, she embraces life while actively uplifting her community. Anjie finds joy in culinary explorations, travel, gardening, music, sports, writing, reading, and language. Among her numerous adventures, she takes the greatest pride in her beautiful family and deep friendships. Being "Grammy" to her three grandchildren has been among the greatest joys of her life. 

A picture paints a thousand words. Anjie is an authentic source of light and joy for so many of our Living in Dying community members. In this poignant photograph, Anjie is holding her grandson while seated beside her beloved father; Wayne, whose hospice journey continues to inform and inspire her work in the end-of-life space.

The Living in Dying Team

For those of you who are new to the Living in Dying community, welcome!

Living in Dying is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Monetary donations are tax deductible (Tax ID # 46-4957609). Living in Dying is organized and operates exclusively for charitable and educational purposes.

This work wouldn’t be possible without the generosity and love of community partners, volunteers, beneficiaries & their loved ones, supportive friends & family, and donors like you!